To Hell With Engagement Chicken, It's All About The It's Your Turn To Take Out The Garbage Chili AKA Beer, Chorizo & Beef Chili Recipe

December 13, 2014

A friend recently told me she was going to make her boyfriend of five years Engagement Chicken in hopes that he will finally pop the question. After I was done rolling my eyes and picking up my jaw off the floor, I asked my friend, "What in the hell is Engagement Chicken?" She explained it as a recipe so good it has gotten men to propose marriage. A simple google search shows dozens of articles from various outlets with the titles "Get Him To Propose!" and "How To Put A Ring On It!"

After fighting back the urge to projectile vomit, I started to really think about how plausible it is for something like this to really work. Don't get me wrong, I'm domestic as fuck. I bake, I cook, and I can order take-out like damn champ. However, the idea that a man will propose to me because of some chicken seems more like a recipe for disaster than a recipe for a white picket fence. Are we all actively taking part in this shared delusion that a chicken will be soooo fabulous that a man will suddenly forget whatever hang-ups or reservations he may have and bend down on one knee? I call BULLSHIT. Whatever happened to a man putting a ring on it simply because he liked it?!

I was dumbfounded. Is that all we as women have to aspire to? A ring on our finger? Are we that desperate to obtain the ideal society has force fed us to believe is our ultimate goal, that we'll resort to roasting a damn chicken to magically convince a man we're worthy of marriage? Does a relationship not have value unless it comes with the certain promise of marriage? I don't mean to get all feminist Beyonce on y'all, but isn't there more to a relationship than engagement rings and roasted chicken?!?!

Maybe I'm simple minded, but I am a big believer that the little things are important. Small gestures of affection and love matter more to me than a ring. Flowers for no reason, random love notes, getting me coffee just the way I like it or washing the dishes after I cooked dinner (without me having to say anything). Life can be hectic and extremely stressful so if you're lucky to have someone by your side who loves you, puts up with your bullshit and is good to you... who cares if you don't have a ring on your finger? Why can't we appreciate what we have when we have it? Why do we always want more, more, MORE? So with that, I suggest you forget about this Engagement Chicken bullshit and make your significant other the It's Your Turn To Take Out The Garbage Chili. Also known as the, We Haven't Had Sex In Almost A Week Chili. It's so good, your s/o won't hesitate to appreciate you in all of your amazing, as-is splendor and help you with whatever needs to be done.


- 1 Tablespoon olive oil
- 1 pound lean ground beef
- 1 pound of Spanish chorizo, skin removed
- 1 medium yellow onion, peeled and thinly sliced
- 4 cloves of garlic, minced
- 1 (15 oz.) can unsalted black beans, rinsed and drained
- 3 (14 oz.) cans unsalted, fire-roasted diced tomatoes
- 2 (15 oz.) can unsalted red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
- 1 serrano pepper thinly sliced (jalapeƱo will work as well)
- 1 12 oz bottle of beer (pale ale, red ale or whatever beer is in your fridge)
- 2 Tablespoons chili powder
- 1 Tablespoon ground cumin
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
- 1/4 teaspoon of red pepper flakes

- cheddar cheese
- sour cream
- 1 thinly sliced serrano pepper for an extra kick

Mise En Place
Heat oil in a large stockpot pan over medium-high heat. Add the ground beef, chorizo onion, garlic and a pinch of salt. Cook for about 10 minutes or until the beef is completely browned, crumbling the beef with a wooden spoon as it cooks. Drain about half of the excess fat.

While the beef is cooking, place the contents of two cans of fire-roasted diced tomatoes in the blender and puree. Set aside.

Once you have drained the excess fat from the cook meat, add the remaining ingredients including the pureed tomatoes and stir to combine. For a spicy chili add the entire sliced serrano pepper, for a milder chili only add half a serrano pepper and save the remainder for garnish. Cover and bring to a boil over medium heat, takes about 20 minutes. Once boiling drop the heat to low and cook for 60 minutes, stirring occasionally. Taste, and season with additional salt and pepper if need be. Serve hot and be sure to make chili cheese fries, chili with poached eggs and chili cheese dogs with your left overs.



  1. Dayum! Going to try this very soon. Never thought of adding chorizo to chili. Have you tried the fire chili from Hillstones (old Houstons)?good stuff.